The writings: Agony and Ecstasy

Dear Baroness,

My past experiences as a top haven’t been so great. I understand condoms aren't supposed to be loose, but my problem is that they are so tight that they feel really uncomfortable. I have tried different brands - the extra large variety, big, extra length -but they all seem the same. Any suggestions??

Thanks
Tight Fit

Dear Tight Fit,

Thanks so much for your letter, but I cannot help feeling that you are not really telling me the complete truth. In fact I feel that the letter may even be a joke, and that your intention is to cajole the readers into believing that you are monstrously over-endowed. Strange, given most gay men of my acquaintance are constantly trying to increase their penis size, and you are complaining.

However, let us assume that your genital stats are as impressive as you say, and take it from there.

If you cannot find a condom that is comfortable, and you do mention that you have tried “the extra large variety” and “the big extra length” may I suggest that you approach a reputable manufacturer, say Durex and ask them for advice (who knows, they may have a rarely marketed variety to suit your needs).

You might also have found a gap in the market. Start your own line of prophylactics! If you have any entrepreneurial skills, you could even give them a name such as “Bigfellas” or “Soldiers of Love”, maybe “KKC’s” (King Kong Condoms), patent the name and size, and put them on the market. Bring out a catalogue/brochure, featuring glossy photographs with you being the model. Create a web page, approach the Adult Shops, advertise in the Papers... go crazy!

Thanks again for the correspondence, and whatever you do, don’t out of desperation go bareback, we do live in dangerous times.

With a kiss and a loving stroke of your (large) member.
THE BARONESS.