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This is where you are able to read the Baroness' very own private and revealing behind-the-scenes diary.

EPISODE 2. PORN PARADISE

Porn ParadiseOh dear, I am feeling a little grubby today. My hands just don’t seem clean. I suspect the bedspread in that seedy hotel-room required a very thorough dry-cleaning. God only knows what bodily fluids and other substances have oozed into the fibres of the very cloth my hands were touching. Banish the thought and pass the soap!

I was left reminiscing on how arousing a hotel-room can be and of the many illicit and stolen orgasms enjoyed under the registered name of Mr. and Mrs. Smith.

Ira, the lady pornographer, was fascinating. She told me, in private, that she is very much into S&M, and is in fact a dominatrix…with her own personal slave! Fancy that. She also showed me a very special ring on her finger. Apparently, those involved in this particular lifestyle don the ring, and in so doing, can identify one another. Worn on the left hand, one is a ‘master’, worn on the right, a ‘slave’. I asked if I could try it on. Disappointingly, it didn’t suit me…on either hand!

The porn actors who were auditioning turned out to be sweet and friendly, even though I had “ruined” their audition, and possibly robbed them of a chance to stardom in a very lucrative market. They, however, were insistent that they wouldn’t appear on camera. How bizarre, they audition for a porn film, but then refuse to appear in a relatively tame interview.

What I can tell you is that the girl should lose a little weight, but then Ira whispered to me that some men just love the plump, housewife look. The boy was extremely well endowed (thick, long and uncut…for those who might want to know) and told me that although he is straight, he also ‘does’ men, if the price is right. (I have always said that there is nothing that money can’t buy.)

Zoë, the model for the “Loslyf” magazine, has such beautiful breasts, and the delicious view of her very shaven pussy had Gino silently panting! The size of his erection (pity you don’t get to see that!) reminded me of a night we had in Pretoria, (of all places), but that’s another story and another time.

And then that interview with Gareth Cliff. He is such a boy, and the frank revelation of his very small penis (and even smaller porn collection) was so appealing. I think I’m in love…

POSTSCRIPT

Well the first episode has come and gone and reaction has been overwhelmingly positive. I am a little concerned that I will never be able to walk the streets without being accosted by the masses. (But then again, walking is for peasants. The press remains abuzz with rumours about me being a man. Shall we lay that one to rest for once and for all?

THE BARONESS